I hear this a lot from dads.

It’s a beautiful expression in a way.

The sentiment I take away from it is “I love my kid so much, and I know I’m not perfect and I’m afraid that my mistakes will have irreversible negative impacts on my kid.”

Sometimes we say things off the cuff without thinking about it too much. But sometimes those things we say point to hidden beliefs and subconscious orientations towards life/parenting/ourselves….

Little Zephyr is uncannily adorable. His smile melts hearts. His little voice softens you. I wish I could capture all of his facial expressions in a little jar so I could look at them when I’m feeling down. His blue eyes are so bright and clear you can almost see into the spirit world.

But he also has the ability to to rile me up and make me want to yell or scream. Being two, he learns by testing boundaries. He has very little capacity to self-regulate. He’s not developmentally capable of being reasoned with.