Diamond Dave and the Wild Man Within

Warning: what I am about to say is extremely polarizing. In a world where we are routinely torn apart by feuding sides, I am about to express my clear and unwavering allegiance. 

At the risk of alienating half of my audience, I’m just going to come out and say it – I am, and always have been, a David Lee Roth fan. 

There I said it. And while I recognize that Sammy Haggar fans aretempted to tune out in disgust, I beg of you, stay with me.

Ok, hear me out. I am a child of the 80s. I was born in 1975 and was raised in a conservative town, family, and church. Conforming to rules, manners, and societal norms was paramount. The formula for a boy in my time and culture was: be good, be strong, and repress everything else. Everywhere I looked, this is what I saw. This is what was modeled and reinforced.

And then… along came Diamond Dave. Woah! Who was this wild man, with this high kicking, acrobatic jumping, primal screaming, this beautiful man with long glamorous hair? 

Was he allowed to do those things? 

I mean, why wasn’t he getting in trouble? Why wasn’t anyone sending him to the principal's office?

DLR represented a part of being a man that I didn’t see anywhere else. He was unapologetically expressive, bold, and uninhibited. He was living life like there was no tomorrow, he was running with the devil, and that’s all I wanted as a 9-year-old boy in 1984.

Fast forward 38 years and I now have a 9-year-old boy. And I’m asking myself, how do I foster that wildness in my son, so Rafi doesn’t need to turn on MTV for images that confuse masculinity with misogyny?

He is off to a much better start than I. He’s got the long flowing hair, rocks out on the drums, and wears tie-dies pretty much every day. But still, he has to sit still at a desk every day and say please and thank you. 

He, like everyone else, has to balance the development of his social/conforming self with his authentic wild self. The simple life aint so simple.

My main strategies as a father these days revolve around me doing my darndest to 

1) listen deeply 

and 

2) model authentically. 

So, as Rafi navigates this prescriptive world, I try to draw out his inner wild man by listening for eccentricities, big emotions, goofiness, and primal energy. I try to welcome those qualities with excitement and love. And when he’s watching me (he’s always watching), I try to get in touch with my inner Dave. 

These days, I’m letting my hair grow out, I’m screaming into pillows when I’m angry, and I trying against all conditioning, to let my freak flag fly.

Don’t get me wrong, I still try to control my kids and have them conform, but I secretly like when they break my rules and tell me to F off. It gives me hope that they might be able get along in this rule-filled world, with the help and company of the wild one within.

David Lee Roth was a compensatory response to a society hell-bent on suppressing the wild man. And while repression is a necessary undertaking in order to function in society, there are consequences for caging parts of ourselves. 

As Carl Jung said, “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” 

Our challenge as fathers is to help free those caged parts of ourselves in a healthy, integrated way. 

Our task is to witness the whole of our children and meet all the parts – good, bad, and ugly - with love. 

Our work is to ensure our kiddos stay wild in a society that fears wildness.

If you're up to the challenge and willing to take on the task and do the work, you're best being in community, which is precisely why we're here.

And now a confession. The song that got me thinking about all this was Right Now, sung by none other than Sammy Hagar. See Sammy fans, I’m growing up! Still love me some Diamond

All my best,

Dave