What Could Change?

Hi ,

Zephyr came over to me the other evening while we were at our friends house to let me know he wasn't feeling included by the older kids. I walked him halfway back to the area where the older kids were and hollered at them to kindly try to be more inclusive and walked away. 

Honestly, I was enjoying hanging out with my friends. I thought the kids could figure it out. Worse case scenario, Zephyr learns how to deal with disappointment. 

But you may have noticed, I only went halfway.

A bit later that same evening I mentioned this to one of the moms of the older kids. She was so grateful I told her and immediately walked over to help the kids find some solutions. Each kid had an opportunity to share their experience and to come up with possible solutions. Initially the solutions were focused on "next time." Then this mom added a crucial question, "What can we do right now to help everyone feel good?" The kids came up with the idea of playing a short game.

Zephyr came home happy and satisfied. Bedtime, despite being late, was smooth and easy. And the next morning he was bright eyed and bushy tailed. It was the next morning, that I realized all of the downstream effects that small intervention the mom facilitated had created. She slowed down and put in the extra effort.

I could easily imagine coming home that night without that intervention. Zephyr is grumpy and fighting every element of bedtime. I loose my temper because he won't cooperate. The next morning he's resistant to the flow of getting to school. Can I be 100% sure about this, no, but it seems likely. 

I learned a lot from that experience and will be implementing some changes in how I parent as a result. 

For starters, I'll be walking all the way. I'm curious to see the impacts. 

I often hear from dads that they don't think anything can really change in their families. Sometimes the way they say it is subtle, sometimes it's more obvious, but it always creates resistance to things like coaching or council of fathers cohort work. 

Take a second, do you think things could change in your family? 

Some dads have sense that things are good enough as they are (they might be). Other dads feel it's a useless uphill battle to try to change things.

My personal experience, and the experiences of the dads I work with, have shown me there's always another way. 

Does it make all of the frictions of fatherhood magically disappear? No. But it can smooth things out and improve everyone's experience which leads to closer relationships and more flow in the family.

We've got a few spots left in the November cohort. If you're at all curious or interested, schedule a 20-minute call with me or Dave.

You might be surprised by how much can change.

And if you haven't listened to the latest podcast episode about Dad Guilt, we, without any bias whatsoever, strongly recommend you take a listen.