Values Based Parenting

We all have values we base our lives on. Some of us are aware of what those values are. For some of us, these values hidden, but driving our behavior nonetheless. And of course, try as we may, we don't always live up to our values as much as we'd like to.

As fathers, we intend to imbue our children with values they can live by. In this episode we explore what values are, how we discover and determine our values, and how those values can inform our parenting.

As always, we'd love to hear what you think!

Download: Values Discovery Exercise

Full Transcript (created by AI and may contain errors):

Ep.10 Values

[00:00:00] Noah: Hi, and welcome to the Council of Father's Podcast. I'm Noah.

[00:00:07] Dave: This is Dave,

[00:00:08] Noah: and we are exploring the wild adventure we call fatherhood. 

[00:00:16] Dave: What a wild adventure it is. It's been a wild adventure just

[00:00:20] Noah: Oh my gosh. This morning

[00:00:22] Dave: 10 o'clock and we've already had an adventure.

[00:00:27] Noah: adventures. Many adventures. 

[00:00:29] Dave: Sounds like

we've had a parallel morning

[00:00:32] Noah: Yeah, I guess that's what it sounds like.

[00:00:36] Dave: Yeah. The adventure of getting out the door. 

[00:00:39] Noah: gosh. I, I was reflecting on this actually. I was like, you know, we've, we've just, we, we do this every day or at least five days a week, and. I would've thought that I would've figured it out by now, that there'd be a way to, um, have more ease or grace or smoothness and, , recognizing that the family is a complex, dynamic system and with three children at different ages with different needs, and maybe one of them isn't feeling so good. , and it's hard to get out of bed when it's dark. . It's just, it's, it's been a, a funny, um, funniest one, one word to use, but I, I'm, I'm in a process of reflection around the flow of our mornings and what I might be able to do to,, Improve upon it.

[00:01:38] Dave: Cool. Maybe we can chat a little bit about that. It's funny as you're talking about like maybe you should have it figured out by now. That's sort of how I feel about fathering. I've been doing it for 10 years. Don't you generally get good at something you do for 10 years? You know,

[00:01:57] Noah: If that thing is, stays the same. Yeah,

[00:02:01] Dave: that's right. We're always green because we're always parenting someone new and we're always someone new. 

[00:02:09] Noah: Right.

Which isn't maybe, maybe you still do get better. It, it just changes on you and maybe even you're better, and I don't love the word better, but more effective at responding to the, to the shifts and changes. Yeah. ,

you can always see where the room for improvement is.

[00:02:30] Dave: Yeah. Which leads me to our topic for today, which is how do we as fathers, when the game is always changing, the target's always moving, the kids are, We were talking when you got here, just about like how chaotic things can get. The house gets cluttered, the kids are dysregulated. The dad's unre, uh, dysregulated and , it can get dizzying if we don't have some sort of compass some sort of, , direction that we are intending to head in, you know,, we're acting not.

In response to what arises, but that we're also parenting towards a certain direction.

[00:03:29] Noah: Whoa, Dave, it sounds like you're talking about

values. 

[00:03:35] Dave: I am talking

about values How did you know?

[00:03:39] Noah: It may have been the conversation we had before we hit record.

[00:03:44] Dave: Yeah, that helped. Yeah. Values. We've done a lot of work together around values and with dads.

Uh, we did a whole weekend retreat or a day long retreat on values. We've done a couple of those actually, uh, seems to be really helpful to be living and parenting in accordance , uh, with chosen values. Rather than just parenting reflexively. 

[00:04:20] Noah: Yeah.

And I think that there's something powerful about the awareness of the values. Cause I think we all have values driving us, , or directing us, or helping guiding us. Right? , but , when there is an exercise . Hone in on and get really clear about what those values are that supports decision making.

And it, and it can be like a grounding, uh, anchor for moments of chaos or moments of wait, what do I do right now?.

[00:05:01] Dave: Yeah, because if you think of the word value, right, , there's two ways we value. One is inadvertently, and, you know, unconsciously 

the

things we put our money, energy, attention into, we are valuing, right? That is one way to value, But it's not necessarily from intention . It is just through survival, right? So we might value watching TV and, doom scrolling on, on Facebook or, or YouTube or something

unintentionally. Or, you know, just out of habit.

Whereas having a loving relationship with. My partner and kiddos might be a more intentional value that I choose 

[00:05:57] Noah: yeah. Well, and what I hear you saying is that,, there's a way in which the values that are kind of really coming from what we believe we care about or choose to care about, may. Help us kind of do some of the difficult things like put the phone down or leave work early, or, um, make a phone call that 

[00:06:26] Dave: we would've 

[00:06:26] Noah: otherwise forgotten to make. , or

Go for a run when it's cold and dark outside because maybe we value health and our value of health is higher than the value of comfort and ease. and so there's a way that it serves as like , a motivating force., 

[00:06:49] Dave: absolutely. And the way you're describing it, it's sort of organizing

our lives a bit. You know, , we have this principle that we talk about that , you go where your eyes go, right? And , I think about when we are conscious about our values, we move in that direction. So in your example, you're talking about health could be a value and you wake up and it's dark and it's cold, and the default might. Go back to bed. But if you're conscious and intentionally thinking about and reflecting on your value of health, you may make a different decision in that moment.

There might be, in that scenario that you're talking about, there might even be a deeper value, right? Like why? Why is it that you wanna be healthy?

[00:07:46] Noah: mm. Well, I want to be, there,, for my family. Um, and I mean, honestly, I want to feel good. And, and I 

[00:07:59] Dave: I think

[00:08:01] Noah: even though being healthy may involve doing some certain things that are uncomfortable and don't feel good, or it's like there's an overall sense of vibrancy and aliveness in in that,

[00:08:17] Dave: yeah, your value for being present, your value for being, for experiencing vitality.

So values is, values is a commentary on how you want to live. It's like, Yeah, what are the qualities of living that you wanna have, right? So we can sort of deepen and uncover core values, which are underneath surface values and the value in doing that. Value deepening. That, . , it's like the, the more core, the value, the more motivating 

[00:08:59] Noah: uhhuh. 

[00:09:00] Dave: The more we endorse our own behaviors, the more likely we are going to do them. Right? And so if running connects to, so. That we strongly endorse, then we're more likely to run right than if it connects to something more surface level.

I, this, this story's come into mind about that. My dad tells, um, it's really touching to me. My dad was in, uh, the military. He was in the Army in Germany, and my brother was born. And he was only a couple years old and my dad smoked a pack of filter less camels every day at that time in his life in the military.

You know, it

was 

[00:09:56] Noah: some strong stuff right there.

[00:09:57] Dave: that's that's a big

cigarette 

[00:09:59] Noah: Camels. Yeah. Mm.

[00:10:01] Dave: And, and it was, you know, it was part of the culture. He's living in Europe, he's in the military. It was in the early seventies. It was a common thing to do, and he really loved after a long day, you know, in the field to come home and sit down and have a beer and a cigarette and watch the news, and he sort of would do that every night. Now my dad's a smart man. He knows that, and it actually says on the side of the cigarette box, if you've ever noticed, this will kill you.

Right. So one would think like, why would you smoke if you value your life? Right.

[00:10:48] Noah: Mm-hmm.

[00:10:49] Dave: But for some reason people still do it

[00:10:51] Noah: it.

[00:10:53] Dave: But one day my little brother, sorry, he's my older brother, but he was little at the time.

He was a toddler. My dad sat down. My little brother brought him the newspaper and a pack of cigarettes,

[00:11:09] Noah: Oh

[00:11:11] Dave: and my dad quit smoking in that moment.

He had been smoking for years. He knew it was bad for his

[00:11:21] Noah: knew

[00:11:22] Dave: but there was something about watching his little son toddle up. With his cigarettes. That struck him right in the values. kicked him right in the values

[00:11:34] Noah: Yeah.

[00:11:36] Dave: and, and he never smoked again. He's never smoked since that moment. Right?

[00:11:41] Noah: That's a great story.

[00:11:42] Dave: Yeah. It, so it's very motivating when we get to a certain depth of values.

[00:11:51] Noah: So I'm, I, I have this actually image and, and I don't know if it's coming from our conversation or coming from my dreams last night, , but I feel like there's sort of like a thicket that we're, we're sort of moving through and I'm, I'm kind of wanting to clear the brush and, and of create some open space and sort of finding the trees that, that belong in this like thicket area.

I don't know if that metaphor works for anyone else out there, but, um, Yeah. . The question there is, is like, how do you know what to keep and what should go. And when I, I think about, what works for me in that process is there's just like a feeling And, and maybe sometimes I have to justify that, like with my thinking mind, but, but the way I would go about it is, you know, like, Oh no, this, this feels like the, the thing that's most important to me. Um, or these are the things that feel like they're the most important to me.

And it, and, and so there's questions of like, well, where does that come? Where does that knowing or that feeling come., and maybe even, . Which of those things sort of have been passed down the line as like, this matters, this is important, and which of those things are sort of springing up from?

From my own. Who knows what, you know, And then of the things that are being passed down that I'm inherited, so to 

[00:13:23] Dave: speak, like 

[00:13:25] Noah: which do I want to keep and which do I wanna not keep?

[00:13:30] Dave: Yeah. That's great. So you're describing sort of a two step process. One is, is discerning between values that are maybe extrinsic and values that are maybe intrinsic.

Autonomously motivating, like, like we were describing before, that we endorse .

versus things we've been taught and conditioned. You shouldn't do that, you should do that.

such

an important step, , when people come to see me And they say things like, I just, I don't wanna be that kind of dad.

I don't want to be, Sometimes clients will say, I don't want to be the kind of dad my father was

right.

[00:14:22] Noah: Mm-hmm.

[00:14:24] Dave: And I, when I said that to my, my child, I felt so much. Right. So the first step is, okay, what is an internal judgment about what you should and shouldn't be doing versus what is a value that you wanna move towards, right?

You have sort of, on the one hand, I don't wanna be the kind of guy who does this, or I don't wanna be the kind of woman who does this. On the other hand, , being present with my child and being compassionate and being loving and forgiving are values that I endorse and I wanna move towards.

[00:15:06] Noah: I, I, That's, that's what was standing out for me in what you were sharing. There was this sense of like, Focusing on, on what we're moving towards rather than focusing on what we're moving away from. Like, yes, we are intentionally moving away from certain things,

but

somehow the en like the energy of focusing what we are moving towards, sort of seems less self fring.

And there's, there's kind of like a, a levity or a brightness or like a, Ooh, this, this is, this feels good. Yeah. And if we tumble fall like on our way towards something, then okay, we can get back up and keep going towards that. But if we're focused on like, what we're not trying to do, when we're 

[00:15:59] Dave: we're, 

[00:15:59] Noah: then it's the, the, then we're kind of. Get stuck in a different sort of way.

[00:16:05] Dave: way. Yeah. Well this is the other part of going where your eyes go 

[00:16:11] Noah: of 

[00:16:12] Dave: is sort of this emphasis we put in that principle on, , building upon what works rather than. Trying to fix what's broken, Right? We, we talk about this in, in education. There seems to be better outcomes when teachers focus on the positive attributes of, of children like four times as much as the negatives.

Mm-hmm. , and if you think about that, Yeah. That four to one ratio and, and in and in relationship right in.

John Gottman's Love lab. It's actually five to one,

right that's hard to attain, but why is it so important? Because when you're trying to learn anything, it's too hard to focus on all the things that you're not doing, right?

Mm-hmm. , you have to scaffold. You have to build upon the things that are you're doing.

[00:17:10] Noah: the mm-hmm.

[00:17:11] Dave: If you want to learn any new skill, if I'm gonna teach you how to play guitar right now, I can't tell you all the things you're doing wrong cuz you'll be

[00:17:22] Noah: overwhelmed, 

[00:17:22] Dave: distracted,

and overwhelmed. But if I build upon all the things you're doing right, you can hold the the thing you're doing well and then add something else.

yeah,

that makes sense to most people. And how do we talk to ourselves the same way? . 

do we move towards what's working, move towards what we value as a default.

One step is we gotta, we gotta watch that critic that loves to point out what's, what's not going well. 

[00:17:56] Noah: Well, yes.

And the strategy that I typically use with folks who I'm working with

is to recruit the critic.

Or let them go depending on where they, who they are and where they came from, right? Because we, we have these, the critics there, and, and you can't, you can only ignore them for so long, only divert your attention away from, you know, those energies that actually pull you back into negative patterns.

I mean, this is something. I see again and again both in people I work with and I've had experience with myself, right? Like the, you know, well, why did I go back and do that thing that I will know I wanna stop doing? And so I'm always, I'm interested in, again, where did that inner critic voice come from?

Cuz if you hear that voice and you listen closely, That's my mom's voice. Oh. Or that's my dad's voice, or that's my coach's voice. It's like time to send that voice back to the dad or the coach or the mom, or wherever it came from. But if you hear that voice and it's like, No, this is my voice. So then it's like, Well, what

[00:19:16] Dave: I The

[00:19:17] Noah: I always love to, What's the positive intent?

What is this voice? Or what is this behavior that I'm doing? Like what did.

Why, What's it, what, what's the love behind that or what's the, the, the need behind that, Right. Cause it, you know, oh, that's just me being overwhelmed, or this is me being afraid or this is me, um, being angry, you know? And 

[00:19:45] Dave: protective.

[00:19:46] Noah: And protective usually. Right. Exactly. That's ultimately right. And so how do we get that same? Energy. Yeah. That's, that's there to protect us and keep us safe to do this, that protection in a way that moves us towards our value rather than away from it.

[00:20:07] Dave: away from, Right. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I, I always think of Bobby Knight.

As a, as a coach for the Hoosiers growing up, watching videos of him screaming at his players and, you know, he was famous for like, throwing chairs at players and, and you know, he was adored by a lot of people, especially in Indiana because he was so passion. and he cared so much about these players that he was berating, you know, and, and he was, he won a lot of games, you know, And so there's this, there's this way in which that inner critic , wants the best for us.

They want us to win, and , they want us to do well. So the, Yeah, I think oftentimes the intention of the inner critic is really positive and has diminished returns in terms of, you know, I think a lot of those players that Bobby Knight coached had a lot of troubles after that. You know, it was traumatizing and I think the amount of effort that went into winning didn't, didn't , pay off, you know, there's a way in which we can be more effective. And when we allow our. Selves to lead from a part of us that is aligned with our values. , there's more room to grow.

[00:21:41] Noah: Well, and I mean, it's funny cuz I'm thinking about Ted Lasso, you know, I don't know, have you watched that show yet?

[00:21:47] Dave: Oh, so

[00:21:48] Noah: So good. And so, um, can't wait for the next season to come 

[00:21:51] Dave: come out, but, 

[00:21:52] Noah: you know, here's this guy who's the exact opposite of that. And the whole show is this fascinating experiment and like what happens when you just like, love people, love 'em to death, you know.

What, what happens to a team, to a group of people when, when the leader of that team is one of, is one who embodies unconditional positive 

[00:22:19] Dave: embodies 

[00:22:20] Noah: and. How does that team blossom and bloom, and how do the individuals in that team get to grow into themselves in, in new ways? And there is this question around what is the highest value there? Like, if the highest value is truly to win, you know, then, then the question becomes, well, what's the best way to get? and so what are, what are, what's lost in getting there in a certain way? , and what's gained in, in getting there in another way,, because my, my sense is that there's more. Room for joy and love and, goodness , some of us carry a belief that like, it's, it's not gonna happen. If I don't berate myself, I'm not gonna get there. If I don't, If I don't, you know, if I don't have that inner critic, I won't perform as well.

If I don't have that inner critic, I won't get the raise or I won't stop yelling at my kids, or I won't, you know, show up for my partner or I won't, I don't know, whatever it is,

[00:23:27] Dave: Yeah.

[00:23:28] Noah: and. Maybe it should be a question. Is there another way? I mean, I feel like I'm trailing us away from the actual values, or I'm just expressing my own values, which are

That the,

the, the means

[00:23:46] Dave: Yeah.

[00:23:47] Noah: of getting there are as important as where you get

[00:23:50] Dave: important Yeah. Well, I think we're unpacking a couple concepts that are important to a values based life

and, and parenting from a values perspective. And, and one really is this core belief. That's taught conditioned around tough love, and that if you want someone to do well, you have to point out their flaws and you have to punish people, including ourselves to do better.

If you get a bad grade, the first thing to do is berate yourself. and I, I do think it's deeply ingrained the first step is to tease apart, okay,

I am

wanting to live a certain way and I'm wanting to parent a certain way. And you know, my son comes into the room. and he hasn't picked up his dishes and put 'em in the sink like I asked him to, and he wants to go

ride bikes and he hasn't helped out at all. There's always this parallel process, right?

There's how do I want to treat him in that moment, and how do I want to treat myself? The sort of

reflexive critical response is to

point

out the flaws and to point out what he's not doing well.

[00:25:15] Noah: I just wanna say that the reason that's the

reflexive. Uh, response is, is because , our generation, you know, grew up a certain way and were entrained in a certain way, and

that

reflexive response doesn't have to continue.

[00:25:35] Dave: right. But it takes work. God. And, and so the work is, okay, first noticing the habitual response, that's step one, right?

Rai, what do you think you're doing?

[00:25:52] Noah: do you think?

[00:25:52] Dave: Get back here. You said you were gonna clear your, Your dishes. Dishes. I cook. I've set the table, I did all this work and you're just gonna go ride bikes. Okay, , Let me try that again. Hey Ralph, I love that you wanna go ride bikes. I love that you love riding bikes. You know what else I love?

I

love how much you've been helping lately. I really do. I noticed yesterday when I asked you to clean up your room, you just did it. And you know, I'm, I'm impressed that you're able to do that.

Would you be willing to throw your dishes in the sink real quick before you go outside? You know,

[00:26:41] Noah: I mean, when you said that, I just got excited about clearing the table . I was like, Oh, is there any dishes to clear? 

[00:26:47] Dave: Yeah,

likewise. Like I, Okay, so I say that that thing that I said, you know, initially, get back here, you know, what do you think you're doing?

And then I feel bad about myself and so and so I got, I have an opportunity to treat myself that way. Or I have an opportunity to say, Okay, Dave, that's not exactly what you value as a, as a parent, what do you value? I value, connecting with my son. I value teaching him, I value, um, lifting him up.

, I value, , being a role model. and, and a role model that both, demonstrates compassionate communication but also makes mistakes. And then, you know, recovers

[00:27:41] Noah: mm-hmm.

[00:27:41] Dave: right? So that's the moment I feel like of deciding, do I want a parent?

What I've learned in terms of correcting behavior or do I want a parent from a place of values?

[00:27:57] Noah: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I also wanna just name and 

[00:28:02] Dave: cuz I don't think this was 

[00:28:05] Noah: in your. Conscious process necessarily. But Dan Siegel in one of his many books, uh, I think it's a Nora Discipline, um, shares this paradigm. Attune connect and redirect. And, and in the way, the way you, in that second example, you attuned.

You're like, Rafi, you wanna ride bikes, You're like, connect and, and connecting to that and celebrating that. And like he, he feels seen and known. And then you're redirecting the, the, the, you know, the behavior. Um, and I think that, Something about that at tuning, slowing down from like, I want this behavior to stop, to like, wait, what, what, what's this little person feeling? What's going through their system right now? Like, let me connect to that, to them. And then, and then once, once we're there, we can explore changing the behavior, shifting the behavior to, so, More in alignment with, with what needs to happen next

[00:29:19] Dave: Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for for that, for, um, Validating a process that was more sort of intuitive than, Than, yeah, than,

[00:29:31] Noah: Well, and I was also sharing that just so that other people listening might be able to like,

Yeah, exactly. Understand what, what was that? You know, it's easy to see like example A was like not perfect, not ideal, you know, not the maybe best and example B was maybe also not perfect, but better than example A.

Yeah, but like what was it like? You know, sometimes it's hard when you just hear it just to like really understand the, um, 

[00:30:02] Dave: Can I say one more thing?

Please do. 

[00:30:04] Noah: Well, that's, I was gonna say, that's how, let's wrap this up and Yeah.

[00:30:11] Dave: Yeah. So we've talked a little bit about, you know, values as a way of moving towards a desired parenting style versus avoiding what we think might be negative. And the, and sort of the value in, having something to work towards as an organizing principle, like Parenting's chaotic. One thing that can help is to have my core values in mind. I just wanna share first of all, the exercise that we do with folks that, that they can find online. Um, that's, that's super helpful.

[00:30:59] Noah: help. You can post it to the website,

[00:31:01] Dave: to Great. Yeah. We'll put it in the, uh, show notes. But there is a, what's called a personal values card sort that was developed by Dr. William Miller and, others.

It's 82 values, I think something like that, that they've put on cards. And what we have people do is we have them sort values into three piles. Not important, important, and very important. That exercise in and of itself is enlightening, you know, to put adventure in one column. And,, put openness in another well, that tells you something about who you are and who , what's important to you.

The next step is from your very important pile, which is like a third of the 80 cards. You choose three to five of your top core values. Well, now you've got, let's say three. I like. Let's say you've, you've chosen, you know, self understanding, openness and, and adventure.

Now, you, you know something about yourself and what is most important to you as a parent.

That when you go to make decisions, when you, are thinking about how you wanna parent, these are the things that are helping to guide. It's a quick activity that helps you sort what is most important to you . And I think the thing that we've noticed most working with dads is that when we are aligned with the values that we choose, that we endorse, we have more energy and vitality to offer our families.

When we're constantly going against our values, it's exhausting. It's a recipe for burnout. It's tiring. It's, it feels like discord. It feels like dissonance

to

constantly be doing things that you don't endorse yourself.

[00:33:21] Noah: constantly 

[00:33:22] Dave: And this is a Getting clear about your values and then intentionally making decisions and working towards those values.

You never reach your values. They are a direction like West or east. You move in those directions, but you never become open-minded. You just, just always try to move in that direction of open mindedness. And so that movement in that direction, to come back to your first statement around, it's a knowing, it's a feeling that you have and it feels right, , it feels aligned.

It feels. The way I wanna live my life.

[00:34:17] Noah: Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm. 

Glad you, you're, you're sharing that to kind of close it out as a tangible thing people can sort of do to, to really, , to really take this in. And hopefully it's not like, Oh, that's a good idea. And then nothing happens. Cuz that's what happens to me sometimes when I listen to podcasts.

I'm like, Oh cool, yeah, that's a great idea. And then, you know, I don't go download the thing and so we're just gonna encourage you just a little extra, just like actually do it. Cuz I mean, and there are other ways to do it, obviously. Like Bne Brown on her website, she's a list and you could just like look at the list and circle them or cross them out.

But, 

[00:34:56] Dave: um, 

[00:34:57] Noah: I just wanted to say that another thing that can be useful is to. Either your partner or your co-parent or even like a friend or, you know, just to, to do that exercise too, because then you can see, oh, what, what are their values actually? And like, where do we align and where don't we align? And, um, and how do we work with like, oh, you know, value X is my value, Value Y is your value.

And, um, we're raising these same children, like, how are we gonna navigate. , you know, if, if one person's value is, is adventure and another person's value is safety. Those could seem at odds. So then how do, how does the person whose values adventure support the other person's need for, for safety in terms of, you know, discussing all of the risk assessment that's being done and the safety precautions that are being made to keep the adventure safe for the children.

And how does the person whose, whose value is safety.

Work with the possibility of, of adventure being something that is safe. Um,

[00:36:13] Dave: that. Yeah. And yeah, it's a, it is a fun date night

[00:36:16] Noah: activity. Oh yeah. Yeah. And, and I think, but, and I think it goes beyond, I mean, Yeah. Yeah. It's a great day night activity. It's a great activity.

I think for anyone who's involved in like a, even in a parenting community or at school or, you know, with friends, just getting, getting clear and, and aware of like, Oh, we're gonna do this thing together. Like, are we all on the same page about X, Y, and Z? Instead of having sort of assumptions, unspoken, you know, assumptions, just making everything explicit and clear, it can avoid. Issues down the road

[00:36:53] Dave: Yeah, for sure. I love. Cool. Well, what's , your top value today? Can I tell you what I think your value, one of your top values is?

[00:37:06] Noah: Yeah. It's always interesting to hear what other people are. Yeah.

[00:37:09] Dave: interesting. I actually think you really value being dependable. 

[00:37:14] Noah: Mm.

mm It, Mm. Yeah. I mean, as you were asking that, I was thinking about like all the things that I'm supposed to, you know, get done today and, and that echoes exactly like I want the people who are depending on me to get these things done. Yeah.

[00:37:33] Dave: and this is that process, like step one is teasing out like the voice of the critic that says you should do all these things. And if you don't, you are a.

fill in the blank versus doing them because you value being dependable. Those are two very different paths. 

[00:37:52] Noah: Yeah. 

[00:37:53] Dave: And feel different getting them done.

[00:37:56] Noah: Oh yeah.

[00:37:57] Dave: What do you think? My what? What's the core value you see in me?

[00:38:01] Noah: I wanna say dependable too, but I feel like there's

Um,

I think. A core value for you is being an integrity, being authentic, and um, yeah, which means like getting to be you.

[00:38:22] Dave: be. Yeah. That is so true.

[00:38:25] Noah: Yeah.

[00:38:27] Dave: I am gonna keep that with me today.

[00:38:30] Noah: great.

[00:38:31] Dave: Yeah,

[00:38:31] Noah: And I like, I like the reframe of like, Oh, I care about being dependable. 

[00:38:38] Dave: Yeah 

[00:38:38] Noah: And I mean, underneath that, honestly, I would say is, is a quality of devotion. Like, and I don't know if devotion is like a value per se, but

[00:38:49] Dave: a Yeah, for sure. Being devoted. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:38:53] Noah: feels, feels important.

[00:38:56] Dave: Yeah. Beautiful.

[00:38:58] Noah: Okay guys. Um, if you're out there, if this was enjoyable, let us know.

Um, we're always taking requests for topics and, um, we're also here to support you in your own process of discovering your values. , thanks for listening. Uh, feel free to share and we'll uh, connect again.

[00:39:20] Dave: soon. Be well y'all.